The return to work after maternity leave is often framed as a simple transition—one where a mother resumes her role, picks up where she left off, and smoothly reintegrates into professional life. But for so many women, the reality is far more complex.
The statistics tell a sobering story: The 2023 Careers After Babies report ‘The Uncomfortable Truth’ showed that 85% of women leave the full time workforce within 3 years of having children and 19% leave the workforce altogether.
Having coached many new mothers and spoken to countless HR and line managers, I’ve seen the same themes emerge time and again. Women don’t leave because they’ve lost ambition or drive. They leave because the workplace isn’t set up to support them. Let’s explore the key reasons behind this exodus—and, crucially, what we can do to change it.
The Mental Load: The Job No One Sees
I remember speaking to one new mother who told me she felt like she had two full-time jobs: one at work, and one at home. She said she felt like the project manager for her families entire lives. Remembering birthdays, sorting our childcare, booking doctors appointments, planning meals and somehow she was mean to be a high performer at work too.
This invisible labour—known as the mental load—is exhausting. It’s not just about doing things; it’s about holding all the moving pieces in your mind, all the time. When workplaces don’t recognise or accommodate this, women burn out.
The Pressure to ‘Do It All’
There’s a myth that’s particularly damaging to working mothers: the idea that they should be able to return to work and operate at 100% in both their professional and personal lives. Many women I speak to feel immense pressure to prove they haven’t ‘checked out’ after having a baby. They overcompensate by taking on too much and feeling they have to say yes to every opportunity—until they hit a wall.
There can be a sense of having to prove that you’re the same person as you were before having a baby, but the truth is that you’re not. The workplaces that thrive are the ones that recognise and embrace this difference, rather than expecting mothers to pretend nothing has changed.
Isolation and the Loss of Identity
Motherhood can be a deeply isolating experience, especially when returning to work. The colleagues who used to be close may have moved on, new team dynamics may have formed, and the social events that once fostered connection often don’t feel accessible anymore. Many women find themselves sitting at their desks, feeling like they don’t quite belong anywhere. When companies fail to create a sense of belonging, women start questioning whether staying is worth it.
Lack of Flexible Working Options
Despite the progress we’ve made in workplace policies, many mothers still face an uphill battle when it comes to flexible working. Some are denied the flexibility they need, while others fear requesting it will damage their career prospects.I heard recently of a new mother who had requested to start her day 30 minutes later to accommodate nursery drop offs. The request was denied meaning she had no choice but to leave.
The Role of Employers: What Needs to Change
Women don’t want special treatment—they want a fair chance to thrive in their careers while being the mothers they want to be. Here are some key steps employers can take:
Normalise Flexible Working - Rather than making flexibility an exception, make it the norm. Encourage leaders to role-model flexible working so employees feel safe using it.
Train Line Managers – Equip managers with the skills to support returning mothers. This includes understanding the mental load, spotting burnout, and creating a psychologically safe environment where women feel understood.
Foster Connection – Create opportunities for working parents to connect. This could be through employee resource groups, buddy systems, or informal coffee catch-ups.
Rethink Performance Metrics – Instead of measuring success by hours spent in the office, focus on outcomes. Recognise the value of efficiency, not just presenteeism.
Have Open Conversations – The best workplaces don’t assume; they ask. What do returning mothers need? What barriers do they face? Regular, honest conversations can make all the difference.
Advice for Mothers: How to Navigate the Return
If you’re a new mother navigating this transition, you are not alone. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Set Boundaries Early – Be clear about your capacity and needs from the start. Protect your time and energy.
Find Your Allies – Connect with other working parents in your organisation, ideally well before your return. Having a support system can help combat isolation.
Challenge the Guilt – You don’t have to do it all. Your worth isn’t measured by how much you can juggle.
Advocate for Yourself – If something isn’t working, speak up. Your voice matters.
Consider Coaching – A coach can help you navigate this period with clarity and confidence, ensuring you build a career that works for you.
The decision to leave a job after maternity leave is rarely about a lack of ambition—it’s about a lack of support. But it doesn’t have to be this way. When workplaces prioritise safety, progression, and a true understanding of what working mothers need, we don’t just retain talent—we create cultures where women can thrive.
If you’re an employer looking to support your returning mothers, or a mother feeling unsure about your next step, I’d love to help. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
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